Now that I feel mostly adjusted to the mass amounts of change over the past year....I am ready for more. I just started "The Artist's Way"....for the 2nd time. I received it as a gift almost 4 years ago and was extremely excited about it, but looking back, I was far from being in a good place in life to really pursue and commit to the 12 week study.
Would you believe that I'm actually more nervous about exploring and showing my creative self than i was about becoming a mother? For nearly 10 years I have sat in the shadows watching others do what they love, do what they dream. To this day I have people say..."I had no idea you sing". And every time it's like a slap in the face...me slapping myself in the face. I get nervous singing to my own child, I try to avoid sound-checking my microphone if I can so that no one can hear just MY voice. And I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of being scared.
But the scariest part..and maybe the reason that I feel it's time to really work on this, is wondering how much of my own creative struggle and fear will rub off on my child. I know I won't always be the best version of myself for her, but she at least deserves to MEET the happiest version of me. I honestly don't know how I've become so non-chalant about not doing the things that I love for so long.
Hence, why it's time to work on this. I...am...terrified.
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