great expectations

sometimes i feel trapped in a pit of resentment....which i have read is extremely common. lately it has made me furious how different men and women are. and it becomes easy to forget the ways we are compatible.

being a mom, i live in the day to day...he is thinking and planning for the future.

this concept is supposed to feel balanced...and i know that i need someone to be looking out for the future of my family. that is his role. and a role i am grateful for. but sometimes it makes me feel so separate from him, living in a completely different world. and because of that, motherhood can seem like a very lonely place sometimes. 

i had this expectation that having a baby would inevitably change the way we do things...equally. but there are things that she needs from me, she is more reliant on me...therefore i have had to make much more drastic changes to my life. as hard as that is, it's a baby...an innocent outside source that is giving me no choice but to adjust. i can't really direct any anger towards her for that. 

what i'm trying to say is that i thought we would both have to adjust our lives for her...when in reality i'm adjusting my life for her and he is adjusting his life more for me. this isn't a negative thing necessarily, i just hate that i feel like the bad guy. she was supposed to be the bad guy. i have to be the one to ask him to change things and vocalize what i need from him. so if he gets frustrated, i'm the one it is directed at because i'm the one asking for it. i didn't think I would be the one having to turn his world upside down...