the calm

well, things have been pretty quiet. no recent meltdowns or epiphanies.

i am, however, falling more and more in love with her. i feel like i have finally reached the place where i genuinely love spending time with her...all my time. i find myself, less and less, needing to escape it all. that feels good. i was worried for a while that i might be missing that mom gene.

she is very close to crawling so in a way i feel like this is the calm before the next big transition. therefore i'm trying to really enjoy these last weeks without her being mobile because i know that will come with a whole set of new challenges.

the first 6 months were so non-stop overwhelming that it's been really nice to have down time. from 7-8 months i feel like i had time to ease into a comfort zone a little bit and reboot.

we have had 3 nights now where she has spent the night with my in-laws, so that's been really nice...just to have that as an option. the only struggle with that is trying not to have crazy expectations. I subconsciously decide that any night away from her has to be the best night of my life, which is ridiculous. but it just happens and often i end up going to bed a little disappointed. obviously the more i am able to go out the less of a rarity it will be and my expectations will adjust.

warm weather pleeaase get here!

I have never in my life been more ready for Spring. And I think it's finally here to stay!! It has been so hard to find (free) things to do as a family. When my husband is home, it's hard for him to relax and have quality time with us at the house because he can't jolt himself out of "work mode". And it's so easy to just turn the TV on.

I could feel myself reaching a wall last week...but then the weekend got here and we spent Friday and Saturday outside, going on walks, etc and it was exactly what I needed.

My biggest fear at the moment, and something that I have said to my husband is that, I fear when he gets overwhelmed and stressed out (work-related), we won't be on his list of escape options. I fear his initial desire will be to get out of the house and need space. Don't get me wrong, I am all about giving him some space when he needs it....but when he's just stressed out about work or finances, I want him to see spending time with us as a release from all that. I want us to feel part of the solution, not the problem. I don't want to feel lumped into his obligations.

Anyways, I'm hoping that this warm weather will open up those doors that enable us to spend more time together without a computer of TV around. More time spent getting exercise and having conversations.