In the moment

I'm 5 weeks into The Artist's Way and I feel I've already hit some highs and some lows. I've accomplished some pretty vital tasks such as writing every day, taking time for myself at least once a week to do something I enjoy, and making a creative space for myself in the house....which in turn has helped me make space for myself in my own life. From marriage to motherhood to working, it's taught me that it's okay to be selfish with my solitude...in fact it's necessary. And it's taken a bit to stop feeling guilty about that. It still creeps up every time I go off to have ME time, but I'm getting better at fighting it and feeling confident in my needs.

The lows include anger, shame, sadness, fear. Mostly due to the harsh truth that I've let myself get this far lost from who I really am and what I really love to do. Overwhelming fear of what it's going to take to get back there and what other people will think of me. Disappointment in myself that I care so much what other people will think.

I'm also trying to balance all of this while soaking in Eva's rapid development....not wanting to miss a moment. It feels like every week she's doing something new...making a new noise, having a better understanding when something is funny, realizing different ways her hands can move. It's magical. I need to make a conscious decision to play with her a little more, hold her a little longer before she goes to bed, not be in such a hurry or so worried about the eternal list of things that need to get done... and just live in the moment. And let's be honest....I don't mean all day every day...but making sure it happens at some point every day is a step in the right direction, and God-willing, maybe that will get easier.