it just takes time

am i going to go through the rest of my life always feeling that this whole thing is unfair? I have GOT to find a way to be at peace with motherhood and all that comes with it. will that ever happen? will I ever get there?

On good days, I am able to graciously accept that my life seems unfair, but on the days that it's a struggle, it takes over me like a disease. I go on an internal rant in my head and all logic disappears. All this anger/resentment/disappointment builds up inside me and I don't know how to let it out without exploding on my husband, so I just push it down and walk around like a zombie all day. He obviously becomes very aware that I am not myself and wants to talk about it....but at that point i am so worked up that I feel there is no way to have a healthy discussion about it.

this is where i currently am....trying to learn what to do with all that emotion, or figure out how to stop it before it builds up so much.

i know i need to get to the root of the problem. which is nothing new. i still have a hard time trusting that he will make us a priority. i'm always comparing that i have had to change more than he has. and i'm sick of it. it makes me feel like a child. stomping my foot around yelling "but this isn't fair!!"

i'm guessing like the majority of difficult things in life...it just takes time?
it continues to blow my mind at how similar the emotional journeys are between birth and death. when someone passes away, you all of the sudden have to rearrange your life without them in it, and its overwhelming and exhausting and UNFAIR and you wonder when it will stop hurting and get better. and everyone says...."It just takes time".

ugh..ok, fine. i get it.