Maybe all of the above

My sister has a blog. Jwbcounseling.blogspot.com. I never think to keep up with it ( sorry Jenny) but today I ran across one her posts on Facebook and I really related to it. It was all about creativity and how the lack of it turns into anger, rage, and sometimes shame. It makes me wonder how much of my anger the first six months of motherhood was due to the lack of time for creativity in my life.

My current dilemma is that I have these windows of free time while she is playing or napping that I have no idea how to fill. I need to find a creative project to work on that won't won't frustrate me when is inevitably interrupted. I have always defined myself as being creative. But I'm realizing more and more how terrible I am at it. I know that the process is the most important part, but I get so focused and overwhelmed by the need to know the final product that I never even start. I have an idea and that's as far as it goes. It makes me wonder...I always defined myself as being laid back and go-with-the-flow, but I love structure. I like having a plan and knowing where things are headed. Does that mean I'm neither creative or laid back? Maybe i have just been defining myself the way I WISH I saw myself..how I want others to see me. Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis. Maybe I'm just having to redefine myself now that I am a mom.

Maybe all of the above.

Well that's quite a bit of food for my thoughts. How do I teach myself to be creative after thinking I've been creative my whole life? It's like needing to take a 101 class when you thought you already graduated. If someone is giving free lessons, let me know.