just the way God intended

For me, 3 months was the length of the first big hurdle. I feel like it took me 3 months to fall in love with her and stop fighting my new role as a mother. I began to feel like I was getting the hang of things...that is until I realized I had been so focused on my relationship with Eva that I had not even begun to address my new parental relationship with my husband. This phase is where I am currently.

Its just...so hard.

In my mind I visualized that creating a family would be a beautiful add-on to what we had already established as a couple. And in many, many ways that 11 years we had alone together has been crucial to surviving. But I had no idea how much it would feel as though we are starting over...from square one. How to communicate, how to be intimate, learning a new level of patience and selflessness. There is so little left over for each other at the end of the day. Both of you are exhausted and on edge and both of you feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility in completely different ways.

One of the main things that has helped us not destroy one another is our agreement to stop comparing our situations.

It didn't take very long, ( a comment here, a comment there) for us to realize that we would never understand what the other person was going through. I don't understand the pressure of being financially responsible for a family, he doesn't understand the pressure of her relying on me for every meal, he thinks he is more tired because he works on top of helping with her while he is home, i think I'm more tired because i feel so mentally drained from how my whole world has changed...not to mention the physical and mental recovery of how I feel about my body.

So we agreed... to try and never compare who is more tired, who has had the harder day, etc. Otherwise we will be having that argument for the rest of our lives...with no closure.

Another misleading expectation I had about what "family life" looks like, is two people working together to raise their children. Although that will be the case somewhere down the road, it certainly is not the case in the beginning. While you imagine being on the same team with your spouse, in reality, the two of you are just taking shifts. He has her, then i have her, then he has her, then i have her. There are few moments when you feel that you are both putting in the same amount of effort at the same time.

One of those moments for me was Eva getting the flu. As sad as it was watching her be sick with a high fever and runny nose....it was the first time I really felt like a family. We both equally put everything on hold to take care of our little girl. and it was beautiful.

its amazing how helping someone in need immediately frees you from your own worries and fears. like a new-found energy that comes out of nowhere just when you think you're running on empty......what a beautiful thing....just the way God intended.