surrender

My life has felt too busy to have time to my own thoughts. We are moving this week and there is much to be done.

 I don't have much to say at the moment except that something I keep thinking about is how much surrender it requires to be a mom. That word, surrender, will always be a biblical word to me. The song "I Surrender All" is what immediately comes to mind.

I think about how much I have had to let go and surrender to this new role and how much of a battle it was. And it makes me realize that if this is what the struggle of surrender feels like....have i ever really surrendered to God? With all of me? At my own will?

Sure i have had some rock bottoms where there seems to be no where else to turn, but those times often come in phases and heal with time. Choosing to be a mother....that is a lifetimes worth of surrender. Believe me, I'm thrilled to be forced into becoming a more selfless person. But that's just it...i feel i have no choice but to step up to the plate. With God, I will always have a choice. And I fear I will always make the wrong one, or the easy one, or whatever. you get the point.

that's all i got today.